My uncle came up to me and said, “about 3 or 4 of us will speak a bit, but you should give the eulogy for your father.”

I didn’t know what to say.  I’m not a very good public speaker in the first place, and now I was being asked to sum up my father’s life in a ten minute speech that should somehow at the same time console the other grieving family members present.

It wasn’t easy, but I did it. bought a great book of funeral poems, and looked around online for eulogy samples, and what you should and shouldn’t say in a funeral speech.

I spent a lot of time in the days leading up to the funeral talking with family members about what they remembered most about Dad.  There were a lot of tears, but by the time the day of the funeral came, I felt that I had written a proper tribute to my father.

The funeral director came up to me after the service and told me it was one of the better eulogies he had heard.

A while has passed since that day, and recently a friend contacted me because she was writing a eulogy.  She remembered my speech, and asked what steps I took in writing it.

We met over coffee,  and she said offhandedly that I should put this stuff online.

So here I am.

it’s not beautiful.  it’s not going to win any contests, but I hope it grows into a tool that will be helpful to you when you need to write a eulogy for a loved one

I won’t say that a joke is inappropriate in a memorial speech, but it must be done with extreme caution.  The worst thing you can do in a eulogy is to offend another mourner.  They will assume you lack respect for the departed and won’t forgive you quickly, if at all.

That being said, depending on who the eulogy is for and the personalities of other family members, I have seen occasions where a well thought out and well timed joke have helped to lift everyone’s spirits.

I tend to recommend poems and quotations, because they seem more heartfelt than jokes.

After the funeral ceremony, when the family is gathered might be a better time.