When people are at a funeral they are in grief. Many of us use humor to deal with stress and grief, so a small joke in your funeral speech would seem to be just the thing to help the mood.
I won’t say that a joke is inappropriate in a memorial speech, but it must be done with extreme caution. The worst thing you can do in a eulogy is to offend another mourner. They will assume you lack respect for the departed and won’t forgive you quickly, if at all.
That being said, depending on who the eulogy is for and the personalities of other family members, I have seen occasions where a well thought out and well timed joke have helped to lift everyone’s spirits.
I tend to recommend poems and quotations, because they seem more heartfelt than jokes.
After the funeral ceremony, when the family is gathered might be a better time.
Memorials and headstones are available in many different materials, colors and sizes, and so choosing between them can be confusing.
You should start with the color. What was your loved ones favorite color? Granite headstones come in pretty much every color, so do not think that you are restricted to choosing from black, gray and white. The majority of cemeteries permit various colors of headstones and memorials, unfortunately churchyards are stricter. Your cemetery or churchyard should be able to provide you with a copy of their rules and regulations.
Once you have chosen the color, spend some time thinking about what writing should be engraved onto the headstone or memorial. You should definitely include the name of the deceased, and the dates of their birth and death, but the rest of the epitaph is free for you to add your messages of love or favorite sayings.
Most headstones and memorials come in set sizes. Bigger is not necessarily mean better; a smaller, better quality one can be equally as nice. Churchyards will only permit headstones or memorials up to a maximum height, but most cemeteries will allow them to be any size. You can also personalize the headstone or memorial with a design too. Many different designs are available to be sandblasted or laser etched on to it. These can range from simple flower headers and crosses to a portrait of your loved one, or engravings of their favorite pastime or pet.
You can get ideas by looking on the Internet, as there are lots of websites that have online catalogs of headstones and memorials. You can also take a walk around a churchyard or cemetery near where you live to see which styles you prefer. As with everything in life, prices will vary and are negotiable, so be sure to enquire about discounts and be prepared to visit at least a few stores. Once your order has been placed, you can expect the memorial or headstone to be completed in less than a month.
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You are now ready to take your memorial design to a memorial mason.
Funeral directing has changed a lot since it first began to emerge as a profession over two hundred years ago. For years, funerals were arranged by people who just did it part time alongside their day job, who often did it just because it had become their family’s traditional role within the community. They arranged for someone to prepare the body (often referred to as ‘the layer out’) and organized the coffin maker and grave digger. Finally, the funeral service would be conducted in a churchyard by a minister.
Funerals were strongly community-centered and those preparing the bodies were very often the same women who acted as midwives. Now, the role of the undertaker has evolved from this community base and the majority of those involved in funeral directing today are in firms with a long, established family history.
Once the coffin was made, it was then taken to the house of the deceased by the undertaker and his men. If the doorway was too narrow, as it often was in those days, the undertaker’s carpenter had to remove windows for the coffin to be taken inside. This process then had to be repeated when the coffin was later removed for the funeral.
Families chose the front room or parlor as the final resting place for their loved one, who would be laid out in their best clothes and who would be left with the family until the day of the funeral. During this time relatives and family members would come to pay their respects. The Chapels of Rest that we are familiar with in funeral establishments today did not appear until the 1950s.
With the coffin set on trestles in the parlor, candles would be arranged either side and a small altar set up at the foot of it. As embalming was reserved only for very wealthy clients, the undertaker would make regular visits to the house to ensure that the body remained in a bearable condition. It was common practice for families to place fragrant flowers around the room to hide the unpleasant odors which naturally arose.
On the day of the funeral, which usually took place three or four days after death, the family and friends lined up outside their homes. With curtains drawn, out of respect, they would stand silently as the cortege passed. The body was nearly always buried in the nearest churchyard, as a fee had to be paid to move the body outside of a town’s boundaries.
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With origins dating back to 1853, E.F. Box are one of the oldest funeral directors within the UK. They offer a range of funeral director services across a variety of faiths, beliefs and ways of celebrating life.
Writing a Eulogy for my father was probably one of the hardest things I ever did. His death hit us suddenly and my entire family was devastated. We had so many funeral preparations to make, people to contact, deciding what clothes he should be buried in. I was a nervous wreck.
My uncle came up to me and said, “about 3 or 4 of us will speak a bit, but you should give the eulogy for your father.”
I didn’t know what to say. I’m not a very good public speaker in the first place, and now I was being asked to sum up my father’s life in a ten minute speech that should somehow at the same time console the other grieving family members present.
It wasn’t easy, but I did it. bought a great book of funeral poems, and looked around online for eulogy samples, and what you should and shouldn’t say in a funeral speech.
I spent a lot of time in the days leading up to the funeral talking with family members about what they remembered most about Dad. There were a lot of tears, but by the time the day of the funeral came, I felt that I had written a proper tribute to my father.
The funeral director came up to me after the service and told me it was one of the better eulogies he had heard.
A while has passed since that day, and recently a friend contacted me because she was writing a eulogy. She remembered my speech, and asked what steps I took in writing it.
We met over coffee, and she said offhandedly that I should put this stuff online.
So here I am.
it’s not beautiful. it’s not going to win any contests, but I hope it grows into a tool that will be helpful to you when you need to write a eulogy for a loved one
