Writing a Eulogy

Our entire society is absolutely obsessed with celebrity culture. The first decade of the twenty-first century passed quickly in a haze of paparazzi and glossy mags. Celebrity has done nothing but grow since the turn of the century. Not content with appearing in every magazine you read, TV show you watch and paper which professes to report news, they’re all making personal appearances.

Yes, celebrities really are everywhere. And I don’t just mean nobodies who got kicked out of X Factor in the first week. People who are famous for more than just being famous are doing it too. That’s right, you can hire almost anyone, and for any occasion if you find the right agency.

I must say I’m unsure what prompted this trend. I’d always thought celebrities’ lives were far too busy and glamorous for them to have the time to attend parties, discos, supermarket openings or canine beauty contests (all true)! How wrong I was. Perhaps celebrities are feeling the pinch and need the fee. I’m sure there’s competition between certain celebrities and their rivals to be seen in the most exciting clubs, at the best parties being photographed as frequently as possible.

However, not all celebrities can be the same. There are other types of celebrity who have something to contribute. I mean the celebrities who are famous for their skills: cooking, acting, campaigning. These celebrities have something to offer at their personal appearances. There are examples of celebrities using their personal appearances to do something positive: some have taught children to cook healthily, used their status to encourage charity donations and recycling. Some just like to meet their fans.

People often assume that a personal appearance means a pretty woman posing in a nightclub. And there’s a place for appearances like that; they help to promote a business. But it should never be assumed that that’s all personal appearances can do. There are celebrities who are interested in certain causes or campaigns and who have valuable insight to add to our own. You might just be looking for promotion for your nightclub next Saturday and I’m sure a simple personal appearance would work. But if you’re looking for something more, don’t assume personal appearances are only made by glamour models. Scratch the surface and you might find a celebrity appearance can really boost your cause.

I got an email from a friend who asked if I knew any good books with eulogy templates and pre-written speeches.  I had to answer honestly.  I don’t.

I have read some decent books on how to write a eulogy, some specializing in eulogies for parents, grandparents, children, etc.  But I’ve never found a book with pre-written memorial speeches that you could put the deceased’s name in and think that you would be honoring them in any way.

There’s a book called A Eulogy to Remember (we offer it here on this site) that has a good explanation of the steps you should take when writing a eulogy, and it does contain thematic outlines, and some sample speeches, but never goes as far as giving you a speech to fill in the blanks.

if you don’t know what to say, or if you are too busy with other funeral preparations to take the time to write a speech that can pay tribute to your loved one, then you should respectfully decline to do the eulogy.

When people are at a funeral they are in grief.  Many of us use humor to deal with stress and grief, so a small joke in your funeral speech would seem to be just the thing to help the mood.

I won’t say that a joke is inappropriate in a memorial speech, but it must be done with extreme caution.  The worst thing you can do in a eulogy is to offend another mourner.  They will assume you lack respect for the departed and won’t forgive you quickly, if at all.

That being said, depending on who the eulogy is for and the personalities of other family members, I have seen occasions where a well thought out and well timed joke have helped to lift everyone’s spirits.

I tend to recommend poems and quotations, because they seem more heartfelt than jokes.

After the funeral ceremony, when the family is gathered might be a better time.

This might be a little lame, as I am no good with windows video editing, but I tried to make a youtube video on how to write a good funeral speech.

I was going to include excerpts from eulogy for father, but I’m not quite finished editing that for public.

you can see it here

I think I’m going to set up a section for funeral poems as well, as choosing the right poem for a funeral is not an easy thing at all.

Writing a Eulogy for my father was probably one of the hardest things I ever did.  His death hit us suddenly and my entire family was devastated.  We had so many funeral preparations to make, people to contact, deciding what clothes he should be buried in.  I was a nervous wreck.

My uncle came up to me and said, “about 3 or 4 of us will speak a bit, but you should give the eulogy for your father.”

I didn’t know what to say.  I’m not a very good public speaker in the first place, and now I was being asked to sum up my father’s life in a ten minute speech that should somehow at the same time console the other grieving family members present.

It wasn’t easy, but I did it. bought a great book of funeral poems, and looked around online for eulogy samples, and what you should and shouldn’t say in a funeral speech.

I spent a lot of time in the days leading up to the funeral talking with family members about what they remembered most about Dad.  There were a lot of tears, but by the time the day of the funeral came, I felt that I had written a proper tribute to my father.

The funeral director came up to me after the service and told me it was one of the better eulogies he had heard.

A while has passed since that day, and recently a friend contacted me because she was writing a eulogy.  She remembered my speech, and asked what steps I took in writing it.

We met over coffee,  and she said offhandedly that I should put this stuff online.

So here I am.

it’s not beautiful.  it’s not going to win any contests, but I hope it grows into a tool that will be helpful to you when you need to write a eulogy for a loved one